What drives me?

This morning I stated to myself that I am maturing. Not only because of my 59 years of lifetime, but also because my inner workings are changing. Testosteron no longer dictates all my attention span. Experience now helps me avoid many previous mistakes and time wasters. But the journey along my personal timeline has brought me new views rendering most of my achieved understanding useless and/or trivial. It is like in a computer game. As soon as one level is mastered, you enter the next one. The game still follows the same universal rules, but other then that everything works out differently. In business these days they like to call this 'disruptive'. And that's exactly how it feels to me. I feel distrupted. 

Break: This writing got disrupted by the entrance of Gerda: "Where should all these newspapers and magazines go?" "Did  you read them all?" Ah... not yet. Information overload, knowledge hunger plus the quest for true wisdom. Another topic... A quick selection makes 90% end up in the recycle bin. The rest on the "Read this pile". One rough clipping makes it to my desk. Then serendipidity kicks in. 

Next to the article on neuroscience I meant to google is yet a smaller one. It is about endocrine distruptiveness. EDCs, endocrine disrupting chemicals interfere with the function of the parts of the brain which regulate hormone release. They are now increasingly found in the dust under our beds... Already free will convicibly is proven to be non extistant, but I now find myself to be influenced by chemicals. Originally meant to make life easier and business more profitable. In this depressing context I still long to maintain the ever shifting balance between my desire for my own well being, pleasure and comfort and my urge to contribute to the greater good. But the question: "What drives me" did not get much clearer yet. I do however come to trust the process of life a little more. Even though it will eventually lead to my death. I will have to take it step by step.